the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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