somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
