Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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