haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
