i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
