Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
