Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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