Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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