I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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