so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
