I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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