Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
