Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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