I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
