One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
