Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
