Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
