dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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