i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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