It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
