Having a random hookup so left but love u
false alarm. still invincible.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
