I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
