I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
