it's too hot outside to masturbate.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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