You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So squirting runs in the family.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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