I wish I only lived at night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
