the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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