Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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