Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
