Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
