What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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