We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
