Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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