put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
