I wanna passion pit in your ass
operation harelip BJ is a go
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
