Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
