dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
