If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
