Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
