I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have already put on my inside pants.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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