I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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