On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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