I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
