I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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