Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
