I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
