I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
