Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
