can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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