wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
