i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
