if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Green mimosas i think yes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
be right there i have to get my cape
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
